I tried doing this a while back but now I am ready to take it serious…wish me luck…gosh I hate watching myself do anything!

PS…I look so much like my mother with this hair….hmmm..

I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For taking my love for granted
Dragging it down the rocky road filled with pain and shame
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For overlooking my needs
Remembering the times I craved for your attention and some affection
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For simply calling me names
Saying I was a woman who would never be good enough or tough enough
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For the other women
Who believed your lies about me, a wounded lioness they called this princess
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For knowing I loved you
But yet you toyed with my heart and so many nights I wept
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For staining the purity within
Making me lose trust in myself, my worth and my skin
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For making me hold on
Empty promises of love and a future, a picture I would never capture
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For not knowing how strong I was
To overcome the pain, the hurt and the scars
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you
For misunderstanding my tears
Believing I could never live another day without you
I forgive you

For every time you said I’m sorry, I forgive you

SheilaSpeaks Jan 2012 (c)

Stop procrastinating - or reduce the amount of times I procrastinate. I do a good job at planning what I need to do and giving a timeline and sometimes I actually stick to the timeline and check each box when I have achieved what I set out to do. In 2012, I plan to make that MOST times…decrease the procrastination percentage from 75% to say 50% (i am being real with myself here ….lol )

Lose weight – just a lil bit more..when 2011 started, I promised to lose weight, using Raven as my inspiration. Well I did lose weight, I lost 12kg which is about 26lbs, it may not be a lot to some people but i am happy with how far I have come and determined to get to my goal size…so in 2012, another 10kg has to go

Increase my shoe collection – so I added 9 pairs to my shoe collection in 2011…(well 9 pairs that I can remember)..for 2012 I plan to make that a minimum of 12…it’s not that hard na, one for each month..hehehe (P.s that is my latest pair…love them)

Trust men more - I tend to second-guess everyone especially men because from experience they are known to lose some wires and bolts..so in 2012, I will learn to trust more …then again…bleh!

Watch TV – If you know me, you’ll know I am not a TV person, a TV is just a piece of decoration for me and ’cause of that I hate the ‘TV conversation’ ….you know when someone goes so ‘did you see the show on <insert tv show>?’ and I say no…and I get another TV question and I say nope…and then I get the ‘so umm what exactly do you watch?’ and I say nothing.

Be a happier me – i will have fun and dance through the party of life in 2012…less worrying, less stress and more smiles …

That’s 6 resolutions….let’s call it 5 resolutions plus the ‘bonus’ ..

Once again Merry Christmas and a Happy new year in advance..

Still can’t stop laughing when I see this..maybe she has a point..or can someone else give me a better explanation to the constant ‘Happy new month’ greetings.

On another note, exams are in a couple of weeks so everything is quite busy here….but I did find time to sign up on soundcloud and I officially have a playlist, so you do not need to download the pieces (there is an option to though).

Annywayyy, a friend and I wrote a piece called Love conversations a.k.a romantic bone, sometime in March and we never got to record it together..sooo I decided to record it all by myself…technically I was just goofing around but umm yea enjoy

I do not know if I’ll be back here anytime soon but if I am not (thanks to the crazy month of Dec)

And in the spirit of Christmas, here is a mixtape by my very own baby daddy, Idris Elba…

Cheers,

]]> http://sheilaspeaks.com/2011/12/03/onwa-december/feed/ 1 thescomiss Greetings Merry Christmas Idris Elba http://sheilaspeaks.com/2011/11/28/magic-number-a-k-a-miss-18/ http://sheilaspeaks.com/2011/11/28/magic-number-a-k-a-miss-18/#comments Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:37:31 +0000 S.Charles http://sheilaspeaks.com/?p=724 Continue reading »

Did you think ‘the spoken word Sheila’ had disappeared because of the workload of doing an MBA? …well nooooo!!! She is still here and looking for time to put pen to paper or should I say fingers to keyboard *hehehehe* …

Here’s a new piece by me, I call it ‘Magic Number’ but some of my friends call it ‘Miss 18′ …

Sheila @ 18

Magic Number  (Download Audio)

All I ever wanted to be was ’18′
To grow older, be independent, call the shots and be the boss
At home, I would still be a teenager but in America I would be an adult

All I ever wanted to be was ’18′
To marry my boyfriend or maybe get another boyfriend
It wouldn’t matter ’cause then I would be an adult who knew what she wanted especially when It came to a life partner

All I ever wanted to be was ’18′
So I would dress the part, sound like them
Tell everyone I’m 18 so no one would call me a baby
18 was my magic number and I would be older, wiser and of course, prettier

And now at the age of ’21′, all I wish to be is 18
Without a care in this world, no bills or broken hearts
To go back to the innocent days of crushing over that cute guy and not wondering if he is a playa, a liar, has a kid, has an STD or how broke he probably is

All I wish to be is ’18′,
Growing older is no longer my worry, now staying younger is
So I dress the part, think weightloss, get cornrows, anything to look the part and not be called an ‘agbaya’

All I ever wanted to be was ’18′ and looking back I can only say to Miss 18
‘Slow down girl don’t be in a hurry ’cause after 18, your whole life plays rather quickly’

For my non-Nigerian visitors, Agbaya means An older person that knows better but yet acts like a child (Thanks Tolu A for the definition)

Sheila @ *cough* '21'

Remember you can download the audio version and share with your friends…and please visit my downloads page  to download some old pieces

Peace and Love

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First of all, Tyrese was only promoting his album and we know better than to take his ‘wisdom’ serious…(well I know I don’t) but one thing I have heard quite recently is the idea of women declaring ‘independence’ as a cover for the fact that they are ‘lonely’. According to the Urban dictionary (lol…my very ‘credible source’),

Miss Independent – She never lets a guy tell her what to do. She makes her own cash and spends it wisely(on herself) She is confident and does not seek approval. Her intelligence is her best feature and is often intimidating but she doesnt care cuz a real man would jump over a ocean to get with that kind of girl. …..Her manners are perfect and she can impress your mama in 5 minutes….

I had to shorten the definition ’cause everything else was just a bunch of gibberish..then again it IS the Urban dictionary. My view of an independent woman is one that knows how to ‘take care and provide for herself’, the point is she depends on no one…not even her father to take care of her….so going about repping Miss Independent but Daddy/Mummy pays your bills does not qualify you as Miss Independent… #wisdombysheila (might as well start a trend on twitter)

I surveyed a couple of male friends, to understand the male perspective of single women repping their independence and they all seemed to agree with the notion that most single women throwing their independence in your face are only covering the fact that they are lonely and need male company (and love).

Unfortunately for my male friends, I do not agree with them not because I rep Miss Independent (’cause I am not independent… yet) but because I believe that women are naturally expected to be dependent on a male figure (either a father, brother, husband, boyfriend or sugar-daddy) that finding one who works hard for her money through being an entrepreneur or having a career is   considered as an ‘achievement’. You never hear people celebrate ‘independent’ men, but we are quick to write-off the dependent men because it is not ‘normal’.

Another problem is, most people mistake an independent woman as one who cannot ‘submit’ to her man. I use quotation marks for the word submit because for me submission to a man is letting him have his role as the man of the house/relationship and not try to take his role…I’ll stop there because I know some ladies would argue with me about the whole concept of submission. But an independent woman does not mean she cannot submit, it just means she can take care of herself with or without anyone providing for her…#wisdombysheila (*grins*)

Then again I may be wrong, so my questions are

1. Are single women claiming Miss Independent to cover their ‘probable’ loneliness?
2. Are married women considered to be ‘dependent’ ? 

One of the rules of growing up is ‘doing unto others what you want them to do to you’.

I remember being a five year old, primary two student in Lerato International School (Akowonjo, Lagos state) and I had a fight with a certain girl called Funke because she refused to share her meat-pie with me even though the day before I gave her a huge piece of my donut (now having a donut was a big deal for me in those days because it was luxury that came three times a month)…in my mind, she had no right to monopolise the meat-pie because she clearly shared my donut without any reservations.

Although it was not stated, there had to be a rule saying that she had to nice to me because I was nice to her. This is a rule that had been imbibed in me from home and it only made sense that everyone should know about it….twenty years later and I now know it as ‘the rule of reciprocity’.

The rule of reciprocation says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us. By virtue of the reciprocity rule we are obligated to the future repayment of favours, gifts, invitations and the like.

How often do you do stuff for someone and you psychologically expect them to repay your kind with kind?…I mean it is only civil and of course logical…..yes I know some of you strange people will say you never expect something in return but when you have a fight with someone, your brain goes into flashback mode and replays all the nice stuff you did like Kanayo O Kanayo reminiscing in a Nollywood movie (OK that’s random but you get my point)

Another trick in the book is what I call the ‘double-request move’, i.e. having a backup request. For example, if I asked you to buy me a pair of Louboutins for £3000, knowing you would reject the offer, I ask you to give me £50 for a cheaper pair of shoes. According to the double-request move, you would most likely choose the lesser offer of the £50 (no example beats the shoe example :p) …oh a smarter way of calling this is ‘rejection-then-retreat technique’…but of course I think double-request sounds better.

The honest truth is, the person owes you no return of kindness just like you do not owe them an initial act of kindness, you did what you wanted and they are free to do what they want or feel like doing. In other words, take the favours for what they are and do not feel obliged to repay the kindness…so ladies you do not need to give that random guy your number just because he bought you a drink at the bar at his own will. And you do not do things hoping the person would repay you back….it’s a free world and we all have the gift of free will.

So please stop hoping that person will give you the contract because you did ‘something’ for them…it won’t happen and do not feel tied down by people’s kindness…

(The fine print/ disclaimer) – The reciprocity rule is applicable in relationships and marriages, no just dull yourself, *___*

Anyway considering the ridiculous prices of weddings in Nigeria and my demophobia (fear for crowd), I have decided I want to get married in a castle (no I am not engaged but can a sister just blog about her dreams)…hehehe…maybe it’s also cause I think castles are more romantic

I’ll come back with a proper blog update

On one knee, he asks the famous question that most women live for and she finally gets a chance to say the words she has practiced for years, with tears in her eyes and hands covering her mouth to stop her from screaming she says  ’YES I WILL’ or if she’s played it differently in her head like I have, she’ll scream ‘OH HELL YEA’… (yes I watch too many romantic movies)

Then you ask her why she decided to get married, she could tell you love or she could say ‘because he proposed and I love him’ …which leads me to the question

Do Ladies get married when they are ready or do they get married when THE MAN is ready?

Men know when they are ready to get married and they propose when they are sure and ready they want to take that leap but what I have noticed is that a lot of young ladies get married because the man proposed. I remember a young lady telling me she was getting married because ‘He wanted to and she didn’t have a back up plan‘ or another that said she was getting married because ‘at least she is sure she would be settled’. 

So why are ladies getting married without being ready for this lifetime commitment, is it because of pressure, competition, trend, insecurity or maybe the fear of dying alone (lol I know I am being extreme here) ?

I’ll leave this open because I am yet to answer this question for myself…let me know what you think ..plleeeaassseee comment

Sensitive men can be men that get upset over the smallest things or ones that are in touch with their emotions (a little too much) but for this post I will be using the former definition.

Women who have dated or maybe married highly sensitive men complain about the fact that they always have to watch their words and their backs with everything they say or do…no i am not talking about the gay guys (on the down-low) or the sissies or the metrosexuals…I am talking about the very manly man who just gets upset over the smallest things and makes you wish he would just grow up. It’s almost like they are stuck in their childhood years and they never grew out of the ‘mummy gimme cake’ stage.

Let’s be real here, most women that end up in abusive relationships are the ones that are stuck with the highly sensitive men who would get upset because she said something as ridiculous as ‘oh your nose looks big today’. You could sit down and say, abusive men are more of insecure men, but the truth is insecure men are also sensitive with a hint of paranoia…..(i am probably going to get in trouble for saying that but *shrug*).

Women CANNOT stand highly sensitive men, I am still waiting to meet a woman who says she finds it cute that her man gets upset over the smallest things….show me that woman and I’ll show you the nearest psychiatric hospital for her ’cause she’s obviously losing her senses. Being with a highly sensitive man,  is not only annoying but down-right irritating.

Then again maybe I am wrong or just highly impatient for such immaturity ….but I definitely know …there is no right or wrong with a highly sensitive man, anything you say or do can get you in trouble with him. It’s almost like being with a baby that won’t stop crying … YES! I SAID SO!