A lot of people change their identities when they are in relationships to suit their partners; I personally feel this is wrong. Your name, tribe and affiliations should not change because of a person and honestly if your partner doesn’t think much of you with your identity then there is a problem and your relationship might not last. Everyone should be accepted for who they are and it’s only unfair to alter people to suit selfish or ideal personal self interests. Take the case of a certain girl named Tracy.

My friend Tracy Dennis is half Ibo and half urhobo and her parents are separated, well whatever. She could speak urhobo fluently and abandoned her igbo side because her father wasn’t there to teach her anyways since he went AWOL on her mother decades ago. Tracy was in a relationship when we became friends; when i asked her tribe when we met she told me she was urhobo because she was dating Tanure, an urhobo guy that had all the oil money since he worked in some offshore oil company. She could speak urhobo and warri pidgin to perfection and prepare banga and starch.  He called her Onome. She lived with him when I met her’, eventually he was sent to Cameroon for a 6 months course and before you say ‘eba’ a francophone girl with the waist of  Shakira took him away and webbed him in, so that when Tracy flew to Douala, she met the so-called girl and they all had to sleep on the same bed…….. When she said that I knew that ‘the spirits had gone’. No redemption what so ever. Tracy disbelieved me and started praying, she quit her job and moved to Douala to live with him, but it continued. They had an argument and he told her to leave and that was it. That’s not the issue per se; Tracy moaned about how her life was never going to remain the same.  I consoled all I could, well so much for consolation, my dear friend found someone else ASAP.

I remember checking my facebook page and seeing a strange name Onyeka Okolo poked you. I was like Onyeka who? Who be dat jor? I looked at the person’s profile and saw my friend’s photo, I called her up to ask and she said “Ada let’s see O”. I met up with her after work and she told me that she had started dating a new guy named Chike, I was happy and I asked her about the name change, she said Chike said, that people of African descent that had English names were fake and told her to take up her igbo name, I was dazed. I also noticed that she had become quite withdrawn, she told me that Chike said that girls who spoke too loud or whose BBs always had messages were whores!  She began to speak Igbo with reckless abandon and in every sentence she would add chineke or any other igbo word. She would mail me every day and ask me to send Igbo recipes to her that he wanted to traditional meals, she learnt to prepare Nsala, Ora, Onugbu and any other igbo delicacy that Chike fancied. They carried on in this manner till he met her talking to her childhood crush at The Palms and drove off leaving her stranded. Shortly thereafter he was speaking and she interrupted him, she got the beating of her life and he threw out her stuff. End of story! She came and told me how God would punish him and I agreed he deserved it!

Two months ago Tracy called to tell me that she was in another relationship with a Yoruba guy, jah be praised, my friend shall not be single. Amen. Kola wanted a woman who was ready to embrace his culture, Tracy was ready to be that woman, and once again, she has begun to pepper each sentence with Yoruba. She genuflects in front of elders or is it kneeling? She is learning to cook ewedu, efo and prepare amala. She buys lace and ties iro and buba and travels to Ijebu-ode every weekend to see his grandma, she follows him to owambe and she calls him oloworimi. She now listens to KWAM 1 and King Sunny Ade, Pasuma and co. I heard his grandma has changed her name to Omolara.  So please tell me do I have to say anything on this issue? I am tired jor.

My sincere advice is that every human being is unique! No one should be subjected to change or one of those unnecessary idiocies because they want to be with someone. If you want to date your tribe so badly, why don’t you just go and find someone of that ethnicity? It’s rather unbecoming to force your traditions on someone else’s child just because of your ideals or insecurities. As for those who conform to stop the other party from leaving, one day monkey go go market and im no go come back!

- Ada Mezie – Ezumah