*Nollywood flashback*
I listened to Titi talk about her new toaster, a guy she had never seen except in pictures but had spent days and nights having conversations on politics, economics, fashion and sex. Titi was intrigued by his intelligence, but most of all his ability to connect with her on different levels and when she had run out of words to describe him she said
‘I just can’t explain it, he penetrates my mind, it’s like we have sex without the physical element…it’s mental sex..YES!…mental sex is what it is after all!’
*Fastforward*
The snippet above is a true story …I remember being seventeen and listening to ‘Titi’ (no that’s not her real name) speak about this guy. This was after our english class and she couldn’t wait to tell the girls about her new toaster who was in his senior year of university while we were mere freshmen, adjusting to the life of being an undergraduate. First semester into university and she had gotten herself an intellectual lover…she was every bit sapiosexual (of course I was going to throw that in) and she made the rest of us green with envy wishing we could get a man just like hers.
Two weeks later, Titi was once again talking about her boo but this time I noticed something very different about her tone of voice and when she was asked what was wrong she replied
*Nollywood flashback*
I don’t know, we click but we don’t click…. I have butterflies in my tummy just speaking to him on the phone but when I am with him in person, the butterflies aren’t there…he’s not what I expected, but I find it hard to stop speaking to him even though I know I am not physically attracted to him in any way
*Fastfoward*
It sounded to me like Titi was trying to force herself to physically connect with this man. She had conditioned her brain to believe he was every inch worth it and was ready to train her body to physically connect just like her intellect had connected with him.
Titi wasn’t my close friend so I do not know what happened after that but I did hear that she eventually had a relationship with the guy. How long they lasted…I do not know and if they ended up at the altar…I do not know. What I do know is that years later I found myself in that same situation and I struggled with giving priority to the intellectual attraction even though the physical was non-existent.
How many times do we do this to ourselves? We connect with someone on an intellectual level but we cannot imagine being with him/her on a physical level. Most times these people become ‘friends’..kept in the friend zone and sometimes people think you must be mad for not considering him/her.
I hear if you hang around someone long enough, you can fall in love with that person and find him/her irresistible…physically irresistible…that’s how arranged marriages work right?
Which leads to the question,
‘Of what importance is physical attraction, if all we need is to connect intellectually?’
Think about it…and leave a comment 
Okwu ka ikwu!
It would seem that there is no wrong or right way to approach a relationship. If you seek the “mental orgasm” first, you may never get a physical one; if you seek a physical one first, you may never get a mental one. If you get both, then you have to determine that you and the other person are compatible on so many other levels – financially, culturally, religious, politically, etc – depending on your values and how you prioritize them.
My thoughts? Your friend Titi was not crazy. Going out with a guy who put fire in her mind, but not in her body seems no less wrong than going out with someone who puts fire in her body, but not in her mind. At the end of the day, you date someone based on the initial “something”, regardless of what it is. No matter what that “something” is, the pairing can work, or fall flat on its face. Nice post though.
Here’s a similar article…http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/in-search-of-the-elusive-it/
Looks are important, but to what degree is determined by the individual. One thing is for sure, there are no guarantees in relationships.
Albert you said it all.
for me..im currently in the same situation..he drives me insane and i have all them butterflies and all that…im crossing my fingers and waiting till june when we will see..i hope we connect physically, emotionally…i think we are good
all the best Zee
I agree with Albert. It’s a crazy world after all. I’ve almost been in that situation but when I couldn’t even bear to think of the guy kissing me, I made sure we left it at the “Friend zone” and didn’t progress into a physical relationship.